Countdown to the UBCC Annual Black Tie Dinner:

UBCC beat Bristol CC

Mock Alex Coetzee reports from an eventful preseason fixture.

Coetzee arose from his slumber on the floor of a tipi in Guildford amidst the aftermath of a 21st birthday party, face imprinted with the pattern of the matting and a several crumbs from a knocked over cheese board. He checked his phone, 9.15am. After a quick round up of belongings and a bite out of the driest sausage butty in the world, he made headway back to Bristol circa 9.45am. Traffic on the M25 and M4 slowed progress although being dressed in shirt and bow tie was too hot to handle for some excitable girl in a VW Polo, who flashed the members of Coetzee’s Fiesta. Messages were exchanged with Farr describing just how late Coetzee would be in picking him up, and Dawes tossed up with no idea of the whereabouts of Coetzee and Farr. Dawes inevitably won the toss and elected to bat on a fresh-looking Dingle track. Coetzee and Farr rolled in at 12.16pm, with a comfortable 14 minutes to play with. Lane was trying to contact his Uber driver to get his helmet back whilst Farr had forgotten his whites. Farr found some spares to save his blushes, and opened up the innings with Bodha.

An excellent spell from one end was accompanied with an absolute shambles at the other end, allowing extras to score freely until Farr nicked off to the only one that landed in his half. Bodha let a straight one crash into his pad a few overs late and was adjudged in line, leaving Dawes and Lane to rebuild. Coetzee took this opportunity to brush his teeth on the balcony and enjoy the spectacle in the glorious sunshine, a decision that was slated by onlookers, especially Fischer. Not too sure how brushing teeth can be given so much abuse from a bloke who sets cruise control at 95mph. Bristol CC’s spinners bowled well on a turning wicket, Lane on debut dispatching an effortless straight six up the hill at Dingle. Methley and Crane were on sightscreen duty for the left hand right hand combo, but instead of marking the screen position, they ensured it was redone between every ball. Bristol CC’s keeper was especially unhappy with this, chuntering away to Dawes about their incompetence. Drinks served at 25 overs, UBCC in a strong position 90-2. Dawes and Lane fell in the 5 overs after the break, the latter trying to hit their ‘frog in a blender’ leggy to the moon. Moreau and Coetzee steadied the ship before Coetzee worked one nicely into the leg side and was given out leg before. Moreau played and missed well, before some audacious paddle sweeping and range hitting over extra cover, eventually holing out in the deep for 39. Methley and Fischer came and went in quick succession, the latter presumably because they didn’t give him anything ‘outside off to whip over midwicket’ and some late order hitting from Brown, 19, and Harding, 17, together with some farcical running allowed UBCC to finish on a respectable 195 for 8.

Mock The Dingle looking resplendent as always

Tea was lasagne, tasty yet far too hot for the team’s liking, although dos pieces of garlic bread saved the show. Juice concentration was weak however, so a standard 6/10 rating.

Crane and Coetzee took the new ball sponsored by Hunter Selection, Crane relentlessly trying to bang it in despite Dawes’ requests for Crane to pitch it up. Coetzee went through the opener and their Aussie, running past them with the aeroplane celebration as they held their shots with their poles on the floor. Bristol CC’s other opener batted well, especially enjoying facing off spinner Methley who consistently overstepped the crease offering free hits galore. Crane enjoyed it immensely, fetching the ball from the fence and hurling the ball into the floor bouncing 18 times before it got back to the bowler, passing it off as just not being able to throw anymore. Bodha shelled yet another catch and broke his finger, meaning the 2s had to field with 10 for the remaining 30 overs. Dawes had the opener caught mid-off and drinks were taken at 84-3. Moreau burgled one after drinks thanks to an excellent catch at backward point by Farr, before Dawes seized the initiative and bowled an absolute gem to one of their eight left handers and finished with excellent figures of 5-24. Brown picked up a wicket too as well before Coetzee returned to finish the job taking his third pole and sealing a 46 run win. A special thanks must go to Bodha, as we were probably losing the game when he left the field of play, perhaps we’re a much better side with 10? Winning beers followed in the Dingle bar for the first time this season, the first of many I’m sure.

Chai Pani DOTD: Alex Coetzee - for being late, brushing teeth, no shirt and tie.

Bath Ales MOTM: Marcus Dawes - 5for and 43 with the bat.

WG Grace stylish player of the day: Ben Lane - for lovely straight 6

Nib Nibs Perfect catch of the match: Doug Farr - good catch and roll and backward point.

The Sandwich Sandwich wet sandwich of the day: Ben Bodha - dropping yet another catch

© University of Bristol Cricket Club 2016